getting things: comments on the newsweek article on spoiled kids

Here's an article that's stirring a lot of debate: It's Newsweek's article about spoiled kids. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5909207/site/newsweek/ On my mom's club list, a friend writes about how she takes her kids to yard sales and does trash picking and such. Here's my response, which contains ruminations from an acquisitive mom. Not sure if I should feel awful about it, but .... hmmmn., nope, still don't feel awful. Guess I won't. - Kate My friend wrote: "Recently, we drove by a house that was having a lawn party: chairs and tables outside. Sophia looked at it and said "yard sale!" Some day I will be a great embarassment to my children!!!" what a great mom! Here are my comments: You know, I'm with you there. I come from an acquisitive family. We have stuff, we "do stuff," and we love stuff. What kind of stuff? Oh gosh. If it's in the trash and looks neat, it's for us! And I also have a Rosenthal "magic flute" teaset, which is outrageously expensive and has the lyrics to "magic flute" opera hand-written on the back. (ahem. not TOO much of this sort of thing) Not a lot of diffentiation. Strange stuff up on the wall with nice art. We're a bit "known" on our local mother's list for advertising for things like "got anything that we can tear up to make a carwash automatic scrubber with?" "got an old tire?" "Got an old steerign wheel?" I am forever meeting people who say "oh, I read your postings!" and looking at me rather oddly. Recently, I posted asking where one could find plastic sushi! (found an awesome japanese food playset, too!) This is a weakness of mine. It's great fun to acquire, and we do. I try to do it not ALL the time, but unfortunately, we've been working on our house for the past four year or so, so we always have to go to Home Depot, and also we're forever making stuff. Friends tell me that my house is like a preschool (with the crafts and stuff). Probably "my bad," since we should just play with a shovel and such, but ... did I mention that I'm also landscaping our 1 acre plus myself? Talk about addictions! HA! More perennials!!! So ... I don't know about the "acquiring" thing, whether or not it's innately bad. Undoubtedly I do too much of it. And my kid adores shopping. Not for clothing or toys -- doesn't know anything about brand-name stuff. But for groceries. His new passion. I took him to the market yesterday and let him NOT ride in the cart and I was ready to shoot myself. Ack! "Mommy, we need these bananas. They weigh [sound of crashing as my 4 year old tosses them onto the scale] ummmmmmm" "How about just one?" "No, we need them all!" "And this!" (pulling out Bok Choy) "Oh, and some carrots!" sigh. I think he's got that shopping gene. Whenever we go to Home Depot he begs for a squirt bottle. But ... I don't know. Somehow it seems OK to get them sometimes. If I don't want to, I take great joy in saying "no," (The product of an overwhelmingly personality-endowed mother, I'm still tickled that *I* get to be the mom now). And he's fine if he doesn't get things. Maybe that's it? Is your kid OK if they don't get things? If they don't, then you should work on that? And I really think that it's neat to raise your kids to be able to appreciate things from MANY sources, not just the mall, you know? It's hard, in our wealthy culture, to totally lock kids down when it comes to acquiring things. We ARE an acquisitive culture. And I, for one, am amazed at how often I have to go to the supermarket to buy food. Like 3/4 times a week! The thing that really hit me in that article was the parents who just flat-out cannot say NO to their kids. IMHO if you have problems saying no, you should practice. Do it all the time. ALL the time! I guess, in summary, I'm not sure if I should feel terrible or not. I don't, as it stands. But he gets stuff! Yesterday he got an acorn. We picked it up off the ground. He begged for a squirt bottle and didn't get it. But he did get a fudgesicle. (slow day) If he says that he wants something I am very clear: "it's his JOB to want things." And I cannot give him everything, I explain, or he will turn into a beast and not be a good member of society. sigh. I'll work on this.